It's difficult to find anything to smile about at the moment in the midst of a lockdown. Freedom really is something to be treasured.

One thing is that you find yourself talking to the wife. I was amazed to find that she doesn't work in Woolworth's anymore. I am by far the smartest of the two of us. Just think I married her, but she only married me.

I managed to fall off a ladder last week whacking my head on the concrete below. It wasn't an accident, I knew it was dangerous and so it has to go down as stupidity.

A big taxi with blue Christmas lights took me to Odstock A&E which was completely empty. No sporting injuries grazes or cuts, not even a heart attack. Ten or so staff were sat around chatting and waiting for an idiot like me to arrive. The coronavirus entrance was completely separate and cordoned off.

To break the monotony several volunteered to stitch me up but in the end, they decided a young (12 years?) doctor who had never done it before should practice on me. Oh joy.

I was surprised to see that my blood was red, I always imagined it was blue. But then I have had to re-evaluate a lot recently.

You see my sister Annie has been tracing our family history using DNA. It turns out that the man I called grandad wasn't my grandad. It works out that his best mate in the navy did it, an Irishman no less. Now we always knew my mother was half Irish but now we know she was pedigree. For some reason since this discovery I greet everyone with- 'Ahoy there sailor, to be sure to be sure'

A quick CT scan and the only comment was that they had never seen a man with such a big head and such a small brain. And so it was back home to rest for a couple of days for my head to regain its shape.

This is when I found out what complete rubbish is on the TV now. The news channels are competing to make people suicidal, when did they stop reporting the news and have an agenda of their own? In the end I just watched mass shootings in the USA. That John Wayne chap doesn't mess about.

The local parish council asked if we needed anything because we were self-isolating. I suggested that a case of half decent, non-EU wine each morning would be quite acceptable. Result? Nothing.

And so, we all just have to wait. Thank goodness for the NHS and Boris at the helm.

Brian Forrest, Maple House, Over Wallop